happiness is
something you are, not do...
Happiness
is a state of mind, of being; it is not an end point or finish line.
So
many of us go through life thinking that we have the plan, the list
of things to do, and then we will be happy. I am delighted to announce
that it just simply does not work that way.
Happiness (just like the fortune cookie said) is a journey, not a
destination. The cool thing about this is that you can experience
happiness at any point along the way. The catch!? You must choose
it! Yes, my dears, happiness is a choice. What do I mean by this?
Well, let's take an example:
You
are in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe, underappreciated,
and ignored. No matter what you do, you can not get your partner to
show that they respect your opinion, value your contributions, and
enjoy your conversation and company. Where's the happiness in this?
It
would be easy to say, leave them, you deserve better! But, do I really
know this is the right thing for you to do? NO! I don't. What I do
know is that every time you feel from one of the above situations,
you have a choice to continue feeling that way or not.
If
it is a matter of showing respect for your opinions, I would challenge
you to define the standards of how you speak to yourself. Then define
what is acceptable treatment for the way others can speak to you.
What consequence is in place when someone goes beyond the line of
what is acceptable? Is it something you can live with, does it fit
the level of disrespect you have just identified? Once you clarify
these pieces, inform people who regularly or even sometimes cross
your boundaries of your newly defined standards and boundaries; make
sure you tell them of the consequence for crossing that boundary.
The
next time they attempt to cross that boundary, you must be willing
to implement the consequence. Let them know the moment they engage
in the offending behavior, remind them of the consequence if they
continue, and follow through if they don't stop. This is a commitment
to demonstrate respect for yourself.
As
you integrate a clear set of standards, boundaries, and requirements
for yourself and others you choose to have in you life, you will begin
to feel better about yourself in the relationship and make the choice
to happiness in the relationship--because let me tell you, when you
choose to respect yourself, you are happy.
If
you are in a seriously abusive relationship or fear the consequences
of choosing self-respect over the desires of another, please seek
professional help. These guidelines are not meant to endanger anyone
who is in a questionably safe situation.
Now,
tell me what you're thinking.
