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Thinking lately:
November 2001 


the abyss--part I

Lately the notion of complete surrender has been plaguing me. I say plague because it is this weird state of being that is neither wholly good, nor bad. If you read any of the Carlos Castañeda's books, you will probably understand what I mean when I say, I have jumped into the abyss!

I don't know what is supposed to happen in the abyss, but I know I must trust it. This seems rather difficult when I don't know what I am supposed to be trusting, but TRUST I MUST!

So how does this work? Well, for me, it goes like this: Whirling thoughts, lots of irons in the fire, and the do-do-do method of problem-solving. And then I jump! There is an unreal sense of still and quiet--this is unreal because it is new to me. In this stillness, I must learn to be still; there is nothing I can "do" to alter the stillness. It is greater than I, so I must surrender. In the suspended moment of surrender, I am calm, quiet, and still; only then do I know what to do. I have one idea, one action, one plan that leads me through the silence. From here, I shed the weight of responsibility that was resting on my shoulders; I no longer am "supposed to do" to solve my problems, but I must follow the pull of the plan that carries me out of the abyss.

When I fight the pull, I get caught up in the "to-dos," and I lose sight of where I am going. When I am still, I know exactly what I must do to move forward.

I am not out of the abyss yet, but rest assured I am no longer buckled up because it is not a bumpy ride.


Now, tell me what you think.

coach@alifeulove.com

Check out these past thoughts:
September 2001             January 2002             May 2002            July 2003
October 2001                 February 2002            June 2002
November 2001              March 2002                February 2003
December 2001             April 2002                   March 2003